Haha, very silly story. Thanks for the fun read! I liked the premise, and don't know how you manage to write this much with multiple projects in such a short time. The ending was funny too! The art is all very well done and so are the animations. For the writing, I would suggest focusing more on showing events or implying them, rather than explicitly stating them. The story is also mostly just dialogue, so I would I appreciate some time to slow down and describe the scenes and character reactions more. Nice work, JM!
Absolutely agree about narration and wrapping things up too bluntly and quickly. I had been told years ago that I used narration too much by one of my teachers. I kept that in mind, and it hurt the end result and made writing much harder than it should have been. Trying to cover all of that using dialogue was a nightmare, and made me commit another grave sin; explaining what was happening instead of showing.
To be honest, I didn't think too much past part one when writing, and it came back to bite me in trying to tie up all the loose ends in part two. I started to leave things hanging where they were, but decided that I would try and continue the story (version 1 ended shortly after the 'earthquake' scene, which also reminds me now that I forgot to look into how to program the screen shake in).
I mainly added part 2 for two reasons: 1) I wanted Radolf's conjecture about his origin to pay off in the most outlandish way possible and 2) I wanted Radolf's throwaway line about pups to pay off in equally dumb fashion.
My art in this one was very crude and rushed, especially the animation scene, but my main focus was to try and learn how to program animations into Ren'Py. I like the concept of using animation, and plan to look into software that actually is meant for it, instead of just regular drawing software where I have make and export one frame at a time with layers. I'm still a beginner at drawing, so a lot of what I draw is hit and miss, especially when I do it too quickly.
This was my first attempt I can ever remember at writing something meant to be lighthearted and silly. It's not my normal style at all, but all last month was about experimenting for me. Also it was first time trying to write an awkward NSFW scene, which is certainly not my forte!!! Going forward, I plan to do more implying what happens than showing.
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement! I appreciate that you took the time to leave feedback.
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17th VN I will read and rate, here we go!
I forgot to do this weeks ago but here is the Superlative Voting Form for anyone that is interested: https://forms.gle/gwZW4U4Dvgae4RWs8
Superlative Voting ends when the Jam Voting Ends.
Haha, very silly story. Thanks for the fun read! I liked the premise, and don't know how you manage to write this much with multiple projects in such a short time. The ending was funny too! The art is all very well done and so are the animations. For the writing, I would suggest focusing more on showing events or implying them, rather than explicitly stating them. The story is also mostly just dialogue, so I would I appreciate some time to slow down and describe the scenes and character reactions more. Nice work, JM!
Absolutely agree about narration and wrapping things up too bluntly and quickly. I had been told years ago that I used narration too much by one of my teachers. I kept that in mind, and it hurt the end result and made writing much harder than it should have been. Trying to cover all of that using dialogue was a nightmare, and made me commit another grave sin; explaining what was happening instead of showing.
To be honest, I didn't think too much past part one when writing, and it came back to bite me in trying to tie up all the loose ends in part two. I started to leave things hanging where they were, but decided that I would try and continue the story (version 1 ended shortly after the 'earthquake' scene, which also reminds me now that I forgot to look into how to program the screen shake in).
I mainly added part 2 for two reasons: 1) I wanted Radolf's conjecture about his origin to pay off in the most outlandish way possible and 2) I wanted Radolf's throwaway line about pups to pay off in equally dumb fashion.
My art in this one was very crude and rushed, especially the animation scene, but my main focus was to try and learn how to program animations into Ren'Py. I like the concept of using animation, and plan to look into software that actually is meant for it, instead of just regular drawing software where I have make and export one frame at a time with layers. I'm still a beginner at drawing, so a lot of what I draw is hit and miss, especially when I do it too quickly.
This was my first attempt I can ever remember at writing something meant to be lighthearted and silly. It's not my normal style at all, but all last month was about experimenting for me. Also it was first time trying to write an awkward NSFW scene, which is certainly not my forte!!! Going forward, I plan to do more implying what happens than showing.
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement! I appreciate that you took the time to leave feedback.
Not a car accident, but a bad fall resulting in a head injury.
Car accident vn